There’s no business like show business but there are several businesses like accounting. – David Letterman
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. – Henry David Thoreau
You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough. – Joseph E. Levine
A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination. – Arthus Wing Pinero.
If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. – George Bernard Shaw
A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. – Samuel Goldwyn
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”
A blind man walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. A shop assistant calls out: “Can I help, sir?”
“No thanks,” “I’m just looking.”
An old man goes to a wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The wizard says “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. “Give me one last request,” he said. “Of course, John,” his wife said softly.
“Six months after I die,” he said, “I want you to marry Bob.”
“But I thought you hated Bob,” she said.
With his last breath John said, “I do!”
Note – OK, I have to admit my wife really didn’t like the last two jokes:)